Three semesters on

I still dun think NUS is the place for me.

Competitive system here takes my life away from me, in both senses.

Exams are just a pain in the ass I have to face every sem.

I am not weak. I just do not like the way somethings are going around here. It irks me too much. It is not that I am inferior to anyone. I just dun enjoy this kinda life.

It is not that I am not destined for success. Success for me might come in other forms other than academics. Congrats if your CAP is higher than mine, just dont come and chuan in front of me this coming Christmas. If my feelings are still taken into consideration.

So what if exams are over? Another semester of complete chaos lies in front of me.

Sometimes I feel that some people around me do not understand me. I am not a complicated guy. I am not a two-faced asshole. I would despise myself if I am one.

I need to get a hold of myself before I can even consider taking care of another girl. Contrary to what many girls think a guy loves, I do not need someone who is submissive to my every needs; at the end of the day everyone needs their own personal space. I love a girl that speaks her mind, is opinionated, but puts her point across with enough finesse; essential quality for good marriage. I love a girl who cares enough about herself to dress well.

I should have known better than to let you go.

I should have known better than to allow myself to be blinded for a whole semesster and fall in love with someone else.

Too many should haves, too many 'if i did it...?'s.

Post exam trauma (kinda)

Tomorrow is Fluid Mechanics day..i dun understand why I still feel unconfident even as of now....

Gone through past years and found them OK. but when got the solutions from William realised that those easy questions actually had a lot of things hidden in them. It really sapped my confidence away from me. He said that those questions are meant to separate those A grade students from the rest of the field. After studying so much for Fluids the whole semester, I still do not have the knack of solving those questions.

It is like the great wall of china being hit by a nuclear bomb. Feel kinda lousy now.

Then had a bout of dizziness just now and had to sleep. I think it is because of the stress..it kills!!!

I am a slow learner, in terms of dealing with stress.

I will just let God do the rest tomorrow, as it is all in His hands, it is His plans for me, and His hands of Grace will surely guide me out of any difficulty in life. I know I have tried my best, and shall have no qualms over whats going to happen tomorrow. No point overstressing myself now.

By the way, I am listening to a lot of Dido songs just now. Tried to download a few songs just to rejuvenate my mood, and dunno why my fingers just typed Dido when I searched for songs in esnips.

University life makes me appreciate some creature comforts that I had always taken for granted; in other words, I never felt their significance in this manner before this semester. Even a shower now feels so good. A nap now is much more rejuvenating than before. I finally understood why my sister take such a long time in the shower. A good song playing from the laptop is soothing and helps to destress.

I was reminded of something in the shower just now. Suddenly James' words spoke to me, coming to NUS and have a life mugging for good results under the environmental stress is not worth it; even if at the end of the day we might (not guaranteed) get good results, but how much have we sacrificed? Personally, it is never worth it to forego life's other pleasures just to get a decent CAP, but the environment here makes us all do so even if we do not want to mug like hell. I have to remind my brother to work harder and be more careful in this SPM to ensure he can get a scholarship to go to some western countries where the pace is more relaxed and mentality is more relaxing. I feel a talent like him is worth more than just an NUS student and go through the same thing as me. That is just me though.

In fact, I have just changed the "theme song" of my blog to Dido's 'Hunter'. You are listening to rambuTAN FM, with DJ RR in the house.. :P

burnout signs

So how do you know if you, a loved one, or someone who reports to you is suffering from burnout? Here are the early warning signs.

Chronic fatigue - exhaustion, tiredness, a sense of being physically run down
Anger at those making demands
Self-criticism for putting up with the demands
Cynicism, negativity, and irritability
A sense of being besieged
Exploding easily at seemingly inconsequential things
Frequent headaches and gastrointestinal disturbances
Weight loss or gain
Sleeplessness and depression
Shortness of breath
Suspiciousness
Feelings of helplessness
Increased degree of risk taking

hmmm...i do match a few of those in this current situation :P

Holidays

This holiday, a few things to do. I am so looking forward to it. Except for one moment.

So what am I gonna do? In no order of importance:

1. Exercise. Juggle between swimming, jogging, jungle trekking, futsal, weight training everyday. Must exercise everyday. Wont set any targets too soon. I will be back to my glory days.

2. Rest. It has been a tiring semester. 6 modules with a damn busy Arts GEM. Everday sleep after 2am. Stressed.

3. Watch some movies at the theatre. The darkness of the theatre is wonderful as it shuts us out from other troubles like a capsule.

4. Spend time with family. I want to make up fo time already lost away from home to NUS. How nice would it be if NUS was just in front of my doorstep. And the thing is, Johor is near but not near enough for me to go back everyday. Its like, so far yet so near, or so near yet so far.

5. Meet up with friends. One way is by playing more futsal with them. Too bad my regular swimming mate is back in UK liao..

and that ONE moment I dread most? Checking my semester scores. It is not that I have declared defeat even before the war has begun, but the way NUS delivers the results to students makes us damn stressful. A computer screen waiting to eat you up. Relatively scary to me lah, dunno about you guys tho. :P

tagged

1. The person who tagged you is:
got 2 ppl tag me leh. both girls samo. how lucky can a guy get? who ask me so popular? syen lo. haha..

2. Your relationship with him/her:
f.r.i.e.n.d.s

3. 5 Impressions you have of him/her:
-loves anime
-evil..haha..
-very mischeivious sometimes =.=
-the starter of the poke waist culture! haha..
-an Apple laptop owner wannabe lolx *runs*

4. Most memorable thing he/she has done for you:
cannot remember.

5. Most memorable words he/she said to you:
'u fat d'...lol

[no.6 went missing]

7. If she becomes your lover, things she has to improved on will be:
...

8. If she becomes your enemy, you will:
run for my life cos she is gonna kill me man

9. If she becomes your enemy, the reason will be:
dunno..... ==

10. The most desirable thing you want to do for her now is:
help her with her SS assignment. It seems to make her so stressed out! :)

11. Your overall impression of her is:
naughty and evil...can be helpful at times

12. How do you think people around you will feel about you:
dunno...fat? stressed out fella? in room guy?

13. The characteristic you love about yourself is:
once i set my mind to doing something,will try his very best.

14. The characteristic you hate about yourself is:
take things too seriously until feel damn stressed.

15. The most ideal person you want to be is:
contented person.

16. For people that care and like you, say something to them:
you all have been a part of my life, thnaks for moulding me into the person I am today.

17. Pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about you.
1. rachel
2. chubby
3. yi chin
4. james
5. alison
6. kai lin
7. suyin
8. weichuan
9. wen tak
10. George W. Bush

Who is no. 6 having relationship with:
with his school of fishes

Is no.9 male/female:
male

If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing:
yeah.....did i just hear another bomb in Iraq? XD

When you last chat with no 3.:
a month ago i think..

What kind of music that no 8 likes:
jay chow..lol

Does no.1 have any siblings:
yeah, one younger bro and one younger sis..

Will you woo no 3:
haha....if she is not attached, maybe I will. LOL..

How bout no 7:
erm..dun tink so.

Is no 4 single:
yes...although something is brewing up between him and someone else XD

What's the surname of no 5:
lai..come come..

What's the hobby of no 4:
erm...making mouses go defunc by clicking on it like 3000 times /day??

Do no 5 and 9 get along:
they don't know each other.

Where is no 2 studying at:
NUS...he is a Nut Under Stress lol.

Say something casual about no 1:
pretty girl with nice sense of fashion...lol

Have you tried developing feelings for no 8:
no leh i not gay..zzz

Where does no 9 live:
Germany

What color does no 4 like:
dunno leh. y ask me this kinda question? baka tagger... *runs*

Are no 5 and 1 best friends:
they dunno each other lah

Does no 7 like 2:
erm...maybe bah

How did you get to know no 2:
i found him in Chubbyland!

Does no 1 have any pets:
nope

Is no 7 the sexiest person in the world:
haha.....she damn sexy one u kno :)

workload!!!

Oh my gosh.

I slacked (ok, half slacked) for 2 days and work is piling up.

Part 2 of my modules sound easy during lecture but the tutorial problem sets are mind boggling. I shouldnt even be sighing now as this has been part of my NUS life (average student) so far.

I want to take a break from schoolwork and just spend half a saturday relaxing in the cinema and having a nice meal with my friends, but even that I really have to think twice or even thrice about it.

Planned to go back this weekend (again!). A bunch of friends whom I havent seen in a long time are having a gathering this Saturday. I really wish to go home. Sien. A bit regret going home for the past 2 weeks, now I know guilt will surely come to me if I go back this weekend. I have to make a decision.

Stupid Arts GEM. Damn sien...have to prepare for tutorials (additional workload). Tutor is an African who looks like Akon when he is 50 years old and he makes sure that we do our work because all of us will need to play active roles in his tutorial. Super unconventional style of tutoring.

On the other hand, I could have left the tutorials aside, spend just 10 minutes preparing for my GEM tutorial and still get away with everything, instead of slogging and cracking my brains doing them.

Which path shall I take? I guess only I myself will know the answer.

Hey There Delilah

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
[Hey There Delilah lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

Oh its what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.

Oh oh
OOOoohhhh
Oh oh
Ooooooohhhhh
Oh Oh
OOOoohhhh
OOOOooohhhhh
Oh Oh

_______________________________________________________________________________

the song damn nice...its just someone singing with guitar without any drums or other special effects..kinda plain but it really sounds great...has been quite some time since I heard this type of "plain" songs on the radio. Music these days are so polluted and untidy compared to this one.

By changing a few words in the lyrics, it becomes (sorta) like the situation I am in now....

random update as requested.... haha...

The current state of security in my homeland sucks. The news when I go home, almost everytime: some people kena killed, chopped up to pieces, blah blah blah, it makes me sick to the core, and yet I am already used to it. I am puzzled and disgusted by the way these people were tortured and mistreated up to their very last breath; how could you do that to a small girl? How could they even bear to chop up someone else's bodies?

The chaos in Burma is not a small thing. That is why I believe a country must not have a government with ideologies straight out of the extremes. This world is really problematic, with lives lost just about anywhere. With differences in ideologies come conflicts of interest which unfortunately will result in bloodshed in this modern age where weapons are becoming available too easily. Again, this could be traced to the unscrupulous weapons trader who first allowed weapons to be traded in the black market which is so easily accessed by everyone; as they say, money makes the devil push the rice mill.

on a lighter note,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAI LIN!

hope ur kkj heals soon enough! XD

sien. The bazaar's booths are not filled up yet. Sometimes I dont get these vendors, the difference is only a few dollars for 3 days. yes, THREE days. It is pretty long ya know, which kinda averages out to about a few dollars more / day. Dun wan then never mind lah, I find another vendor to ganti your place lo. The kiamsiap mindset is not one of a successful businessman, especially when you are on the up and have to get every business oppurtunity that comes your way. Come on, its just a few dollars, dont tell me you cant afford it? Well, I would think that it is precisely because of this small-town mentality that they are STILL small time businessmen...and I dun see them doing great guns in the near future... =.=

I am getting a bit sick. Throat feels constantly dry. I need to make an effort to force voice out of my voicebox. Maybe its because I ate too much biscuits plus not enough fluids plus late night sleeps plus extremely hot and humid weather =.=....sigh..

Just when you thought lecturers are boring people

There was an umbrella, and Jim, Jane and Jack stood under it. Who got wet?



















answer: csannot determine. I didnt say got rain onot leh.. =P

__________________________________________________________________________________

man (gasping for breathe): Dear, I just did something monumental today!!

wife: *smiles* what did you do today, dear?

man: I chased after my friend's car to hitch a ride. And it saved me a dollar!

wife: you should have chase a taxi instead lah! can save sgd2.50 at least!

___________________________________________________________________________________

....

some fella took my clothes out of the dryer......sien

lectures are starting to get boring....

feeling damn tired...

the stress is coming in...

zzz..