closing those doors.

surprisingly my brain works kinda actively, my fingers type kinda nimbly at night. and yes, I am using the proper typing fingers. =)

reasons for me not to go get a girlfriend (some people might laugh at me and see look, this guy hasnt got a girlfriend (insert other negative comments here) blah blah blah) but look,I simply do not give a sh*t about that. i tink the reasons i cite now are perfectly reasonable, so long as they are applicable to my own personal situation at hand:

1. main reason: i am still not emotionally matured enough, i guess many of my closest friends will know about this. i am still plagued with negative emotions that only time can heal, and by the maturity of thought gained simply through the passing of time. any relationship that i am going to get into now will most probably end up in heartache due to my attitude. I need to build a heart of steel-sponge, soft when it should be, hard and strong when the need arises. I choose to adopt a personal principle that is whatever relationship that is ultimately not gonna end up in marriage = wasting time and money only.

2. getting myself involved in some relationship will only serve to distract myself from studies. my CAP now is not exactly high (by my personal standards), NUS ia a highly competitive school. Thus,I simply cannot afford any other forms of distractions to sway myself off the way to a good CAP.

3. a girlfriend only serves as someone that limits my personal freedom. I mean, I would surely have to devote more time in entertaining someone else exclusively, so much so that sometimes I cant even complain that my own personal time is encroached. What if, lets say, I wanna play game of futsal or yam cha with friends also cannot but have to spend time with her? Play game also cannot. I am only in my 20s (in fact only 20), wanna enjoy more of what a 20-something guy should do more. Why should I cage myself just because of someone else? The point is, I wanna do whatever I want whenever I want wherever I want. Attached people just have to compromise on this.

4. my parents are going to retire soon. I come from a well-to-do family, but then I am where I am, leading a comfortable life and enjoying many of the comforts so many other people could not afford to. I am lucky and I am thankful to God for all that, all a result of how hard my parents have worked to acheive this standard of life. Everything I use, eat, every thread on my body comes from their wallets. Indeed no other humans on Earth could offer me the love they did, so selflessly and without complaints. I would think it would be unfair to my parents to use their hard-earned money to pursue a relationship someone that is not guaranteed to last. So in the end = wasting money only. I have a gut feeling that my parents are disease ridden because they have worked theirselves too hard in search of financial scecurity which the whole family, including me enjoys now.

5. I wanna enjoy good friendship with everyone around me, be it male or female, taking my university days to cultivate close friendships that is gonna stand the test of time. Reason: I believe there would not be a better time to do this. In fact, I only have 3 more years to do this as rather unfortunately, true blue friends who listen to me whine and complain, bitch and scold (you guys know who you are :P ) are gonna be hard to find in the workplace where conflicts of interests and office politics will somehow arise. And also due to the fact that I feel comfortable in the presence of my platonic friends, something which I doubt I could feel that strongly with a partner of the different gender.

6. I havent found someone that shares the same visions and outlook of future as I do. It would be foolish to get involved with anyone that does not have the same targets and goals in life. People might say, can work things out, but in reality, the innate desire inside of us on how to lead our lives IS a platform for disaster in the future. Ever notice how many married couples got divorced/live unhappily just because of different principles of living and conflicts in goals etc etc etc?

7. a desire to serve God. I wont elaborate further on this; its rather personal.

the above are not arranged in any order of importance, applies to myself only.

time to sleep , tomorrow gonna go church, and worship Him who has made significant impacts in my life.