drugged...entirely fictional.

These days have been especially tough on me. I had suicidal thoughts. I contemplated self murder. In the end I decided not to. I had to live. And live a life full of pleasure and joy free of troubles. I seeked refuge in drugs.



This bottle contains pills of 4,8-dimethylonlygodknowswhatnamethisthingispenthox. I took 4 pills for 3 days consecutively as opposed to the recommended dosage of only half a pill per day (!). It was ok., sent me swirling up up up and high into the sky.



These orange pills rock..each of them are 100mg of 2,3-triphenylthesepillswillmakeyoufeelgoodtoxine. It tasted sweet like orange. In fact it was a sweet. I felt like I went to nirvana with these small orange kids. In nirvana I saw the colours of the world...I almost went into a trance. I danced with small orange kids.



Third item I ordered was black pills of mommamiathesedoesmakesyoufeelgood carbonate. It felt good. It was okay okay only wat. The stupid boss of the drugstore told me about its properties and exaggerated on it. Aa dozen of it costed me RM240. At RM20 per pop I had better lean to enjoy it.



They say the best things come last. This is a row of natrium dunnowatthehellitcontains disodium penthyl. The pills were red in colour and were very small. The feeling as it ran down my throat and seeped into my bloodstream through my veins was indescribable.

KIDS! DO NOT DO DRUGS!

* the above was a parody of the now demised sixthseal.com. *

I hope the ISA won't tahan me over this. ;p

reminiscent...i.e nothing to do??

I remembered this on my bed.

2002. I switched school to Kluang High School. We met online. I had heard about you, Rachel Oh. The prettiest girl in school. You were THE famous one. I chatted with you. You were one of the few juniors I knew when I came in. I didnt fall in love with you at first sight. Our chatting gradually become more friend like. We were friends. I took up the courage to talk to you in person. Time passed. We knew each other better. You were form 3 back then. You looked gorgeous even in school uniform. I didnt knew I would feel for you in that way. Until I started peeking at you from afar; from my class window, from my row where I was standing during weekly assembly, in the canteen when you were eating, after school when you were waiting for your parents at the guardhouse. I never grew tired of it. I started to feel shy in front of you. I wanted to spend more time with you, I wanted to talk more with you, even if it is just bullshitting. I knew you liked Avril;I started to listen to it till I could remember the lyrics. I knew you loved M&Ms;i started to pay more attention to the chocolates. You look stunning in the big earrings and make-up on IU Day 2002. We became good friends, we talked more on IRC. I remember what you wore during our first outing. The images remain crystal clear in my mind until now.

2003. I heard you had a flu. I started to become anxious. I couldnt call you at home because I heard that your mum doesnt like phone calls from strangers. I could understand that. I became concerned about your well-being. By this time, friends had knew everything. Some would tease me while others would pretend not to know about it. I started to sing to Mariah and Westlife's songs when I thought abt you. IU Day,Sepetember 2003. I couldnt bear it anymore. I confessed to you under the school bell. You rejected me on the grounds that my SPM was coming, and that distance would be a problem once we go our separate ways (to different colleges) after Form 5. I was really hurt that time. Tears almost bursted out of my eyes. I could still remember the red top and beige dress you wore that day. It was a raining day, September 6th 2003. It was the worst day of my life. Gradually I comforted myself that what you said was logical and that everything would bear no fruit if we were really together.

2004. My feelings for you started to dissipate. There were still lingering bits of it left in my heart. I knew I couldnt let you go. I decided to do Form 6 that year. No, you were not the chief reason behind this decision. When I saw you in school, I wanted to talk to you. And we did, albeit short conversations. There was this feeling of awkwardness between us, but it wore off as time passed. But it never disappeared completely. I knew I could not let go of you. I bought a photo frame for you for your birthday. You never rejected it, you said thanks to me, giving me hope in the process. I guess you didnt want to hurt me more. Come forth Xmas 2004. I saw a sand art bottle with the words Merry Xmas on it on my travels in Sunway Pyramid, beside the skating rink. I decided to get it just for you. I waited for you on the night of 24th. Alas you were away in Melaka. Somehow I had to give it to you even tho Xmas had passed. Your mum saw me. I guess she didnt like me, I was scared of her. From then on, you started to ignore me.

2005. You were staring your second semester in MMU. I had ur MSN but you always ignored me. For a full year, I had no news of you. I heard no word from you. It was during this time that my wounds healed. They would not have healed if not for your help. I knew something had to be done...this drastically. My feelings for you still lingered on, but they were not as intense as before.

2006 passed by without anything memorable in terms of love life. I started not to think of you. I had my own life away from school. I made more friends than I did in the past when I was stuck only on you. I put more emphasis on friendship and loyalty.

You were an integral part of my growing up. If I ever meet you on the streets, no feelings of shyness would surface. Instead I look to you as the love that helped me grew up.

Thanks.

for one of my dearest friends.

I never remember how I knew you.

I wish I could turn back time, and talk like we used to talk..during reading week and during the semester holidays...during xmas and during exams.

Conversations we had then were full of fun and was always entertaining, at times meaningful, at times serious.

We were like best friends then.

5B is where our friendship blossomed.

We confided and enjoyed each others' companionship.

You introduced good stuffs to me, and did the best thing a friend could do.

You made nice stuffs for me.

In fact I never did anything or made anything for you. Your graciousness touched me.

We grew to become close friends...in fact I consider you one of my closest friends in NUS.

Even though we knew each other only for a few months, the friendship between us escalated and I never wanted it to go down.

Right now, some element seems lacking, there is a missing puzzle.

Trust me, I am trying hard to get the friendship back...even if it means scooping a needle out of the sea.

I know that day will come.

I have enough faith in you.

I cannot wait.

Somehow....

good mood..

called back home just now.

glad to know Dad is feeling well and that the meds he is taking didnt damage his liver. Urine contents all normal level.

Mom is feeling good as well.

If they are good,
life is good. :P

He has answered my prayers.

Physical trials and tribulations

After SSB2216 lecture today, came out of SR20.
On the way to the bus stop, I feel something brooding inside me.
It felt terrible. I felt like I was dying.
I clenched my fist and tried my hardest to tahan it. After an agonising wait, finally got onto bus B and sat on the last row. Didn't expect the shock absorbers of the bus to be malfunctioning. Every speedbump that the bus ran over seem like a torture to my body. Every corner that swings my body sideways bent me and I felt intense pain. I scream at the sight of the next speedbump. I dreaded the feeling of the bus slowing down and riding over a bump; it dealt my body blows wich I could never recover from. Only then I realise how fragile I was.

Finally I reached LT7A. Was late for lecture by almost 15 minutes. But couldnt run; taking each step was especially difficult when u feel like your foot are tied to 2 big bricks. Nonetheless I trudged on.

Pushed open the glass door....I immediately headed to the left. Into the toilet I go.

Ahh. The feeling of sitting in the toilet answering my long nature call. ;p

OMG Rach... you still look as good as ever. Time hasn't put a dent in your beauty since 2003. What happened between us shall remain in my permanent memory. It was bitter at that time, but kinda sweet and unforgettable when I reminisce about it now.

I give all the blessings for you to find a good boyfriend. I am sure he will be a lucky guy!

bu shun li de liang tian...

I am such a disturbance. I make people label me annoyance, make people say that I am disturbing, and to top it all off, just now, I am not needed. Most of the things I did out of good heart and intentions have been misintepreted. Maybe it is just me. Things just didnt go right recently. I cannot blame anyone though. Who am I to judge people anyway?

It might be a case of us drifting apart.

These 2 days have been super sucky.

I should try to appreciate other people's frankness, as I trod on the road of seeing positiveness in the face of negativity.

Well, at least I know who to look to when I am kinda down in the dumps.

Er Jie, be prepared for my late night SMS barrages. I know you won't forsake me when I am in need.

I feel so immature right now.

Which makes me wonder also, how can I take care of someone when I am rather inadequate myself?

-tries to cheer up-

back to the future.

Ryan~ Is WYSIWYG? says (10:41 AM):
no lectures?
*<Ŋ€¥ж>* - Fan Spoilt =.= says (10:41 AM):
in lecture
Ryan~ Is WYSIWYG? says (10:41 AM):
@_@
haha...
wat lecture?
*<Ŋ€¥ж>* - Fan Spoilt =.= says (10:42 AM):
biochem
Ryan~ Is WYSIWYG? says (10:42 AM):
nice?
*<Ŋ€¥ж>* - Fan Spoilt =.= says (10:42 AM):
intresting
Ryan~ Is WYSIWYG? says (10:43 AM):
currypuff?
lol...
hw come
*<Ŋ€¥ж>* - Fan Spoilt =.= says (10:44 AM):
i duno
its just lost
Ryan~ Is WYSIWYG? says (10:44 AM):
ooo
*<Ŋ€¥ж>* - Fan Spoilt =.= says (10:44 AM):
din eat
Ryan~ Is WYSIWYG? says (10:44 AM):
lol
*<Ŋ€¥ж>* - Fan Spoilt =.= says (10:44 AM):
duno where i left
Ryan~ Is WYSIWYG? says (10:44 AM):
lol
hw much
*<Ŋ€¥ж>* - Fan Spoilt =.= says (10:44 AM):
35cents?
i think
Ryan~ Is WYSIWYG? says (10:44 AM):
2 for 70?
*<Ŋ€¥ж>* - Fan Spoilt =.= says (10:45 AM):
duno
i just took and pay and walk away
Ryan~ Is WYSIWYG? says (10:45 AM):
hmm..
the ways of a millionaire
take n pay
n walk away
*<Ŋ€¥ж>* - Fan Spoilt =.= says (10:45 AM):
hohohoh
Ryan~ Is WYSIWYG? says (10:45 AM):
i see riches in you
*<Ŋ€¥ж>* - Fan Spoilt =.= says (10:45 AM):
go study
Ryan~ Is WYSIWYG? says (10:45 AM):
-hovers over my crystal ball-
Ryan~ Is WYSIWYG? says (10:46 AM):
holy holy shit...tell me hw jun yen will bcome in 10 yrs time~
-puts palms on crystal ball-
i see a more prosperous yen
*<Ŋ€¥ж>* - Fan Spoilt =.= says (10:46 AM):

LAME !!!
Ryan~ Is WYSIWYG? says (10:46 AM):
the value of the jap yen will increase...
Ryan~ Is WYSIWYG? says (10:47 AM):
thats what the crystal ball tells me
*<Ŋ€¥ж>* - Fan Spoilt =.= says (10:47 AM):
-slap

The above happened just 2 minutes after I sat down in front of my laptop after back from Maths lecture. I guess brain was too hot. ;p

DIY Legend

This is so cool.



I am seriously considering making one for myself. Then all my clothes will be folded up even easier. Saves me a lotta hassle. :P

Was listening to hitz.fm back in Malaysia, then there is this song with a nice beat to it. The lyrics are, well, the typical black music lyrics, laced with yellow elements hidden but yet so obvious to the listener. The beat sounds really good to me tho. I searched for the lyrics, turns out that it was Nelly Furtado singing it. She has become so hot.



This song is my favourite clubbing music. And I grade music, not videos. :P

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SIEW YIK

Dear Siew Yik,




Thanks for the laughter that you have brought me, your helpfulness and companionship.

caught in the act

Ryan * http://ryanrambuTAN.blogspot.com * updated today, 7.1.2007 says (11:21 PM):
later 1130 go down foyer there..
Siew Yik says (11:22 PM):
for??
Ryan * http://ryanrambuTAN.blogspot.com * updated today, 7.1.2007 says (11:23 PM):
got something lo..
Siew Yik says (11:23 PM):
hahha
i know wat it is..
Siew Yik says (11:24 PM):
i dun wanna get wet...
Ryan * http://ryanrambuTAN.blogspot.com * updated today, 7.1.2007 says (11:24 PM):
no la..
jus cut cake only..
tonight everyone wana sleep early
Siew Yik says (11:24 PM):
lets hope it is..
Ryan * http://ryanrambuTAN.blogspot.com * updated today, 7.1.2007 says (11:24 PM):
jus they all say one..
Siew Yik says (11:24 PM):
ya...ya.....

* I am such a bad liar....LOL